All that I want to say is already said by someone more beautifully, why bother. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm a fraud. I'm an imposter. There are so many better people who do great things but I'm not one of them. I'm useless. I'm don't deserve anything & more. I keep hearing these self loathe statements in my coaching practice from smart, young talented product makers. It bugs me. It even pains me.
I could see their creative beauty, just that they are unable to. Even if i say this it is not going to make a difference to how they feel. The only way to relish their beauty is through their inner eyes. May be this can help you a little.
I was wondering, when was the last time, I felt I am not enough.
This happened a decade ago. It was a Sunday evening. I hardly talk about the difficulties I go through at home. I was this Jhansi Rani who took it all-in. But that evening was different.
Mom was cooking dinner and as usual I was sitting on the kitchen platform with a long face. She asked what's up looking at my puzzled face?
I felt like opening up that day. I told mom that I am disturbed. I added this happens so often these days. Especially when I work with smart and talented people I feel I'm not good enough. I'm just winging it. I'm a fraud. I don't know so many things. Social media is making it even worse. I can't renounce everything just because it is hurting me. Cringes apart I also learn a lot from the smart folks of the world. If i could remove this self loathe and comparison with the shiny objects I would do better. She listened to all my rants and then she smiled. She reminded me of Shikhandi story from Mahabharat.
The story of a queer who brought down Bhishma. There is a small excerpt where Shikhandi ask his/her mom, why am i born this way? why me? Everyone is so good and why not me?
His/Her mom responds back, people may discriminate you but mother earth doesn't. She loves everyone equally. From a worm to insect to a deer to a queer. She shows the same care. She has a place for everyone. In that place you belong. You don't have to belong in this world.
Like every other creature you have a place on this earth. Live in that place and do your best.
Those words were powerful. Little did Shikhandi know that he/she will be the reason to win the Krukshetra war at that time.
Whenever imposter hits me, I remember those powerful words. "I have my place on this earth and I will do my best." I know I might not be so good as someone else but am I better version of me everyday. Am i doing my best everyday? That is all matters.
This story has kept me sane for over a decade now and I guess it will keep me sane forever as the words are imprinted inside. I geared up my guts to share this with you all young makers as it bugs me to see so many of us going through the same thing. You are not alone my friend. We all have our doubts.
Remember, we all have our place on this earth. Let's do our best.
🥂 to you being you!