Relationship Lessons
Today we complete 20 years of togetherness 🎉
In our little dinner party last night with friends (and shots), I was asked to share a few lines about our lives together and made me jog the memory lane. I couldn't speak anything as I was overwhelmed by all the beautiful memories, funny moments, hard decisions, deep scars and more.
I penned down my thoughts here as it came to me. That is our story in a nutshell and the names are kept real. There are more nuances that we can double click at every phase of life and that is for another day.
What started as a nerdy love story is continuing as an amazing companionship 💪
Here are a few nuggets I learnt on the way about relationships.
- When you fall in love, you don't have a choice but we could make a deliberate choice to rise in love. Rising in love is hard work. Falling in love is easy.
- Marriage is a journey of two individuals at the same time. Sometimes we run in parallel, sometimes we cross-over, sometimes we depart, sometimes we hold each other. There is no set rules for this journey.
I can tell you this much though: If there is enough love, companionship and care, the journey is a lot more interesting and exciting. - Let the axis of the marriage be a great friendship. Let everything else play its part in it's time (hormones, choices, aspirations, paths and more).
- Life partner is not a one-time choice as it seems from outside. It is a choice you make everyday about the same person. Growing, nurturing, caring and managing takes time and energy.
- The mathematics of a bad relationship is 1+1=0.1, a good relationship is 1+1=2, a great relationship is 1+1=11. Keep striving to grow the math.
- In a marriage, it is two individuals first, a collective next. We don't own each other. The individual is free at all times and they are free to make any choice at any time. If they feel like telling each other about their choices, that is out of mutual respect and trust. IMHO that is a sign of a great marriage.
- A marriage involves life tax (handling emotions, grumpiness, ego, satisfaction, PMS😅 and more). You pay this tax whether you manage it or not. If you manage, the tax savings are high. If it manages, the loss is high.
- Set theory works in a marriage. There is a me time, we time and just us time in those circles. Don't ignore one set for the other. The repercussions of ignoring a set is super high on a long term.
- Acknowledge when you are tired, fatigued, grumpy and not feeling so well. Over communication helps. Despite being married, we can't read minds 🤷♀️.
- Freedom in a marriage is underrated. Set each other free. It is counter-intuitive advice but it works like magic. You don't own another person just because you signed some legal papers.
A marriage is a journey. Like all journeys, it is beautiful with great companionship. Try and walk together in this journey. If the other person is drifting away or walking slowly, wait patiently.
It feels awesome when someone waits for you, cares for you, loves you despite being slow. There is no set playbook for this journey. Play by your head, hands and heart together. It is a beautiful journey.
I am grateful for the amazing partnership I have this lifetime. Not everyone gets their bestie to travel with for a lifetime!
I am blessed and I am not taking it for granted ✨
🥂 to many more!