The ruthless NO

I say no a lot. I cut losses ruthlessly. I do all of that with a big smile on my face.

Past weekend, I went for a brunch with a good friend and we touched upon many topics under the sun. Saying NO was a big one we discussed. She asked me “how do you decide to say no or yes for things” and that made me think a lot.

Before life design happened to me, I use to struggle to say NO. I said yes for things I wanted to say NO. I didn’t have the courage. I suffered my reluctant yes. But after 2017 (life design) things changed.

I could not articulate what changed but later in 2020 I happened to see a Ted talk by Justin Musk and she explained how Elon Musk said No. That is when I understood what helped me say No as well.

You need a DEEP yes to say no (a lot). Put another way when you don’t have a deep yes, it is hard to say no. Connecting dots backwards I had my deep yes set and that is what allowed me to say no and stay focused.

Forming the deep yes is a process and it takes a lot of work. My deep yes is to build significant assets for maker ecosystems and design/design leadership. Everything else is a NO. Anything that distracts me from the above is a no no. That included even deep hobbies like astrology, ukulele, marathons and more. Everything takes time and time is a slice of life. When I realised I am trading my life with xyz or abc it hit me hard. Things that do not make sense to my deep yes, I cut losses. Hard but totally worth it.

For example: I got an offer in 2019 to be a head of product (management) and the offer was super tempting. I had the necessary competence and experience to say yes. Trust me the offer is way bigger and better than a design leader. But it took me far away from design and design leadership. I might have a lot of 💰 but I would have felt empty inside. I took 72 hours to say that No and that was hard. Today looking back, I am glad I did. The deep yes helps a lot. It has helped me make excellent decisions.

If you don’t have your deep yes set, then you will find it hard to say no. I use to think the struggle of saying no is an Indian thing but I realised it is a human thing.

How to get to deep yes, that is a discussion for another day.

Does this make sense to you?