Inner Circle

The Power of Your Inner Circle: A Modern Approach

You are an average of the five people you spend the most time with. We've heard this countless times, yet the practical application often eludes us. I understand the concept, but how do I actually implement it? This question haunted me for decades.

Access to people is multidimensional. It depends on your availability, their availability, their willingness to build a relationship with you—essentially where you fit within their priorities. This often becomes a one-sided equation, a 1-0 relationship that we struggle with. A balanced 1-1 relationship would simplify everything.

As a system designer, I refuse to waste energy on relationships with zeros. I ruthlessly focus solely on 1-1 connections. Through this lens, I've realized that the five people you surround yourself with can truly be your choice. YouTube has revolutionized this possibility, creating on-demand access to minds I admire. I can spend time with those who have passed through their books and videos. I become better daily as I consume better ideas—all without the necessity of travel, meetups, coffee, small talk, or gossip.

I'm not suggesting you abandon building real relationships with real people. By all means, pursue those connections if you can manage the energy expenditure and emotional labor involved. But if, like me, you're more introverted, you have powerful alternatives at your disposal.

Everyone today is busy. Our world has accelerated to a frenetic pace. Finding mutual time in calendars has become increasingly rare. After an exhausting week, my free time often goes to rest rather than navigating traffic and coordinating meeting logistics.

That said, in-person connections remain uniquely beautiful. They leave impressions that linger far longer than digital interactions. I've learned to cherish these increasingly rare face-to-face moments.

Don't take it personally when someone disappears from your life. You can't know their full context or current struggles. Their absence isn't within your control nor is it your fault. Understand that you may not be their priority right now. Circumstances change, and hope for reconnection can fuel your energy to follow up. If it doesn't happen, that's okay too. In a world of 8.4 billion people, we'll only know about 150 closely throughout our lives—a staggering ratio that puts things in perspective.

The beauty lies in knowing that nearly everything worth hearing is already available in written form or, increasingly, in videos. So choose your five people intentionally. I regularly adjust my five based on current needs and interests. This week, it's Carl Jung, Jim Al-Khalili, and Andrej Karpathy. I haven't made time for two more yet. But you understand the concept, don't you?

Who are you hanging out with this week?​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​