Adult Friendships

Why Adult Friendships Are So Complicated…

Adult friendships don’t dissolve. They drift. And over time, they quietly fall into categories:

Old Friends — School and college connections. We share a history but not a present. Occasional messages in WhatsApp groups. Nostalgia, not depth.

Power Friends — High-influence connections. We admire them. Reach out sparingly. Use the bond wisely. Preserve the goodwill.

Maintenance Friends — The “HBD/HNY” folks. We keep in touch out of obligation, not connection. Comfortable, but not close.

Community Friends — People from shared spaces (Slack groups, industry circles, parent clubs). We meet, chat, wave, but rarely go beyond the surface.

Chill Friends — The ones you call for brunch plans, Friday drinks, or spontaneous getaways. They know the best cafés, playlists, and travel hacks. They help you switch off — but that’s the extent of it. No depth, but plenty of good times.

And then, there are

Growth Friends — Friends who challenge us, expand our thinking, ground us in our values, and walk with us through complexity. They’re not just conversation partners. They’re catalysts. You grow because of them.

Adult friendships take time.
Categories remain the same and the people in the categories shift with seasons. There are no right wrong categories. It is the vibe and alignment.

You need all the categories in all seasons of your life. The rarest is the folks who will care about you whatsoever. Finding them is hard. It is the most inefficient act of human life. If you are a productivity nerd this irks you. But the inefficiency is worth the investment. Your well-being flourishes. Your connect expands. You feel safe with no agenda attached. You learn things in a jet speed. It is true that you are what/who you are surrounded by.

Find those adult friends.
Grow with them.
Be one.

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear how you categorize your adult friendships. Or drop a thank-you to a growth friend quietly.

h/t: Brendan Burchard on categorising friends as old/maintainence/growth.