I recently read The Advice Trap by Michael Bungay Stanier following The Coaching Habit, and it hit me hard in all the right places.
Like many of us in leadership roles, I’ve often felt the need to jump in with answers the moment someone brings a problem. It feels helpful. Efficient. Even expected. But Stanier challenges that instinct. He says our biggest leadership trap is thinking we have to give advice. And that’s when he introduces the “Advice Monster.”
There are three versions of this monster:
Tell-It, who believes you must know everything.
Save-It, who thinks it’s your job to fix it all.
Control-It, who wants to manage every outcome.
When I read this, I realized I’ve been feeding all three at different times.
What shifted for me was this idea: Instead of defaulting to advice, just stay curious a little longer. Ask better questions. Listen deeply. Not every problem needs your solution—many just need your presence and curiosity.
It’s not about learning a new leadership technique. It’s about rewiring how we show up. Letting go of the need to be the fixer and instead becoming the one who helps others find their way.
Stanier doesn’t say advice is bad. Sometimes it’s the right move. But most of the time, especially with complex problems, staying curious is the wiser choice.
Biggest lesson? The value of a leader isn’t in how many answers you have—it’s in how well you grow others by not giving them.
So now, every time I feel the urge to advise, I ask myself: Is this my Advice Monster talking? Or can I stay curious just a bit longer?
